Make miracles happen

Self esteem is how you feel about yourself – and whether you respect and value who you are. It is very different from self-confidence which relates to our talents, abilities and skills. In summary, self esteem includes:

1. Our core beliefs about ourselves – and whether we agree with others’ views of us (our worth or value as a human being).

2.    Our sense of control, or the influence we have, over who we become and what happens to us.

(Note: People with an internal locus of control see themselves as being in charge of their own destiny. In contrast, those with an external locus of control tend to see themselves as being helpless victims of others.)

3.    Our sense of belonging, and unconditional acceptance, amongst our family members, colleagues, friends and peers. This is a measure of ourlovability.

4.    Our sense of being able to meet life’s challenges and to cope successfully with what life sends our way. This is a measure of our capability.

We know success is related to a healthy self-esteem, so how can we work on enhancing this?

1.    First, stop comparing yourself to other people. Set your own expectations and personal goals – and take the steps you need to walk towards, and reach, your goals.

2.    Identify and celebrate your qualities and strengths – and keep on adding to that growing list each day. For example, are you the kind of person who’s always there for others? Are you creative, logical or practical? Are you friendly, caring, thoughtful, helpful and outgoing? Do you like to try new things, and have a real sense of adventure?

3.    Be committed to growing and changing as a person. Read books on self improvement and on personal growth. What you do with your time will affect who you become.

4.    Watch and challenge your thinking and self talk. One of the greatest hurdles to building self esteem is constantly attacking and putting yourself down. Instead, be affirming, positive, and notice your achievements. You’re committed, and progressing, so you’ll reach the goals you’ve set.

5.    We may have limited control of our external world as our teachers or our boss may dictate much of our day. But let your home be your castle, a place where you retreat to relax, recharge your batteries, and find yourself.

6.    Hang out with positive people. If you hang out with people who are always negative – and only whine and complain – then it will drain your energy. But individuals who believe in and work towards success will inspire and encourage you to walk that road as well. Thus, their positivity will raiseyour self-esteem.

1. Consider the cost of missed opportunities – The biggest risk that people fail to consider is the benefit they lose by avoiding high risk/high reward opportunities. The issue is that without taking risk, you can’t exploit any opportunities. You can live a quiet and reasonably happy life, but you are unlikely to create something new, and you are unlikely to make your mark on the world.

2. Research the alternatives – The unknown is a major source of fear. When you don’t know what you’re dealing with, potential consequences seem far worse than they actually are. Take the power out fear by understanding it. Research all the potential outcomes (both good and bad) so you genuinely understand the risk of failure and benefits of success. Analyzing these outcomes will help you see through the fear of failure and make a logical decision.

3. Put the worst-case scenario in perspective – One of the most powerful questions is: If you chase your dreams and fall flat on your face, worst-case scenario, how long will it take you to recover? The answer is probably less than you expect. How hard would it really be to find another job? Chances are you could recover completely in a few months. Is the fear of a few rough months strong enough to keep you in a mediocre situation indefinitely?

4. Understand the benefits of failure – As Emerson said, life is a series of experiments, the more you make the better. Each failure is a trial in an experiment and an opportunity for growth. Even if a failure costs you financially, the educational benefits can far outweigh the loss. 

5. Make a contingency plan – Another way to overcome the fear of failure is to reduce the downside. Hedge your risk by creating a contingency plan. Even if your first option fails, you can maintain the status quo with a solid backup plan. Daring to fail doesn’t mean you have to risk losing it all. If you manage risk intelligently, you can capture the benefits of high risk opportunities while leaving yourself a safety net.

6. Take action – The best way to reduce fear and build confidence is taking action. As soon as you do, you’ll begin accumulating experience and knowledge. Everything is hardest the first time. It’s like jumping off a cliff into a lake — after you do it once, you see that the water is safe and each time afterwards is easy. Start off with small steps and build up your confidence until the fear of failure is manageable.

7. Burn the boats - When ancient Greek armies traveled across the sea to do battle, the first thing they would do after landing was to burn the boats, leaving them stranded. With no way to make it home besides victory, the resolve of the soldiers was strengthened. When success and failure are the only options, you have no choice but to follow through.

Fear of failure disappears when you realize it can’t save you.

Most people do not achieve a fraction of what they are capable of achieving because they are afraid to try because they are afraid they will fail.

Step One: Take action. Bold, decisive action. Do something scary. Fear of failure immobilizes you. To overcome this fear, you must act. When you act, act boldly.

Action gives you the power to change the circumstances or the situation. You must overcome the inertia by doing something. Dr. Robert Schuller asks, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” What could you achieve? Be brave and just do it. If it doesn’t work out the way you want, then do something else. But DO SOMETHING NOW.

Step Two: Persist. Successful people just don’t give up. They keep trying different approaches to achieving their outcomes until they finally get the results they want. Unsuccessful people try one thing that doesn’t work and then give up. Often people give up when they are on the threshold of succeeding.

Step Three: Don’t take failure personally. Failure is about behavior, outcomes, and results. Failure is not a personality characteristic. Although what you do may not give you the result you wanted, it doesn’t mean you are a failure. Because you made a mistake, doesn’t mean that you are a failure.

Step Four: Do things differently. If what you are doing isn’t working, do something else. There is an old saying, “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.” If you’re not getting the results you want, then you must do something different. Most people stop doing anything at all, and this guarantees they won’t be successful.

Step Five: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Hey, if nothing else, you know what doesn’t work. Failure is a judgement or evaluation of behavior. Look at failure as an event or a happening, not as a person.

Step Six: Treat the experience as an opportunity to learn. Think of failure as a learning experience. What did you learn from the experience that will help you in the future? How can you use the experience to improve yourself or your situation? Ask yourself these questions:

1. What was the mistake?
2. Why did it happen?
3. How could it have been prevented?
4. How can I do better next time?

Then use what you learned from the experience to do things differently so you get different results next time. Learn from the experience or ignore it.

Step Seven: Look for possible opportunities that result from the experience.Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says “every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” Look for the opportunity and the benefit.

Step Eight: Fail forward fast. Tom Peters, the management guru, says that in today’s business world, companies must fail forward fast. What he means is that the way we learn is by making mistakes. So if we want to learn at a faster pace, we must make mistakes at a faster pace. The key is that you must learn from the mistakes you make so you don’t repeat them.

Although we all make mistakes, fear of failure doesn’t have to cripple you. As self-help author Susan Jeffers says, “feel the fear and do it anyway.”